Are We Our Own Worst Enemy?

The title of today’s post is super heavy. Are we our own worst enemy?!  It’s been something that I’ve wanted to write about and share my story with you guys for quite a while. I haven’t shared a personal post in a while, so I thought why not today! 

I want you to read the questions below and keep in mind how you’d answer each one. 

• When was the last time that you looked in the mirror and thought “Wow, I love you! You look amazing!” No critiques, no criticism, but instead just really loving yourself and all that comes with it; Flaws and all.
• When was the last time you gave yourself a break?!? Sure, we all screw up from time to time, but I’m guessing you can be a little hard on yourself. 
• When is the last time that you did something for you? Not something for a friend or family member, but something for you just out of the blue?
  
• When was the last time that you told yourself that you’re incredible and that you were proud of yourself?!?!

If you’re anything like me, you probably struggled through those questions. I know if I look in the mirror, the first thing I do is critique the shit out of what I’m seeing. “This looks so bad on me. My stomach is showing. My butt looks too big.” Sound familiar?!? I couldn’t even begin to tell you when the last time that I sat down and really thought about how proud I was of accomplishments or gave myself a break. Instead, I’ll probably admit that I’m the hardest on myself, allowing for no mistakes. WHY!!!!! 

I have conversations with women daily and I’ve realized that we are so damn hard on ourselves and I’m not sure why. Is it the society that we live in and we’re just accustomed to being our own worst enemy? Were we raised this way? Is this a learned behavior that we just can’t change? I guess the bigger question should be, How can we change this behavior?

We Need To Be Kinder To Ourselves

I’ll be the first to admit that I am my own worst enemy. Give me a reason to critique myself and I’ll be serving up jabs about myself the first moment that I can. Tell me I’m beautiful and I’ll come up with an excuse to not believe it and also try to convince you otherwise. Pay me a compliment about my work and I’ll awkwardly try to say thank you but never really get those words out of my mouth. Try to tell me that I’m making a difference by sharing my story and I’ll instead just switch the focus of the conversation to you. Why do we do this to ourselves?!?

I know from my own personal experience that this is something that was probably a learned behavior. I’m not sure that the women in my life that I was surrounded by really taught me the value in really believing in myself and loving myself. If anything, I think I saw women tearing themselves apart and critiquing themselves daily. This behavior is what I knew.

I feel like as I am growing up and learning this whole adult thing, that I feel like I need to change this habit.  Not just for myself, but also the younger generation and especially my Nieces. I don’t want them to be like me. (That’s a really powerful sentence right there, but it’s the truth) I want them to really love themselves. I want them to feel like they can conquer the world. I don’t want them focusing on their faults and not feeling like they are good enough or beautiful enough. I want them to feel like total badasses that can do whatever they want in life! I want them to give themselves a break if they didn’t make on a team or a position they wanted in school and instead congratulate them on even trying! I want them to really feel like they are incredible human beings because they are! Believing in yourself is so important and I want them to have a head start on it at a young age because I think it makes such a difference in your life as an adult. 

We Have To Change Our Ways

Yesterday, I had a conversation with a friend who was really upset. She was crying and talking about how she was so disappointed in herself. She had been working out and watching her diet for over six weeks and she barely lost two pounds. She was frustrated and couldn’t understand how all of that hard work only gave her that little of a loss. I get it, I’d be pissed also! The truth is, she realized that she should be proud of herself! While the scale wasn’t showing her exactly what she wanted to see, she had went down an entire pant size. She was feeling better about herself. To be honest, I was proud of her for sticking with something and giving it her all for six weeks! That alone was a huge accomplishment in my eyes. 

Maybe we aren’t seeing the exact victories that we had hoped for in life, but what are we not being proud of that we should be?

• Maybe we’re not a million dollars richer every month, but did you pay your bills on time, have food on the table and also put money in your savings account?!? That’s a moment to be proud of, my friends! 
  
• Maybe we didn’t win a fancy award or gain ten thousand followers that month, but you did make a difference in someones life by just telling your story! This is something that I struggle with myself BUT I know that I’ve made a difference in other people’s lives by sharing my story. That’s a major HELL YES moment for me. 
• Maybe we didn’t get to go on some fancy, exotic vacation, but maybe you took a road trip with your family or friends somewhere you’ve wanted to go. You were able to spend time with people you care about AND who cares if it wasn’t someplace exotic or Instagram worthy! 
• Maybe nothing amazing happened this month, but you’re still alive, you’re still working and you have another opportunity to make today a great day! Even things as simple as that are important to remember!

With Change Comes More Victories and More Love

Don’t think yourself into depression and defeat. Stop being your own worst enemy and decide to see yourself as the most fortunate person in all areas of your life!

https://livepurposefullynow.com

I realize that to be a better human being I need to change my ways and also, change the way that I handle some situations in life. I want it to be something that I’m working on hard the rest of this year. I know there’s a lot of the #Last90Days going around and I am not necessarily doing it for that reason, but instead I’m choosing to do this for myself.

I know that it would help me so much mentally, if I was a little bit kinder to myself. If I was able to accept that compliment with a smile and simply say thank you. At the end of the day, I need to remember that we are human and humans aren’t perfect! Why am I pushing perfection on myself? It’s important to give myself a damn break if I’m not getting everything done on my to-do list every time, who cares?!? We can’t do everything every single day without something not going the way we planned. That’s just life!

Are we our own worst enemy?! I think that I could say yes if I had to answer this question for myself. When I sat down and really thought about it, I realize that I’m too hard on myself and I have been for years and NOTHING has made me change.  I can preach self-love and all of that, but I need to also practice it myself! I don’t think that all of these changes will come easily, but I’d like to try. 

As women, we have to break this cycle! We have to keep reminding ourselves what extraordinary human beings we are. How we’re doing our best every single day. That we deserve a break. That we can’t expect perfection every day. That we should be our own best friend. That it’s ok to have a weak day or a weak moment. That it’s ok to need to ask for help. We have to keep supporting each other and break this cycle that seems to be a constant in our life. Change is hard, but it’s not impossible! 

Try This For The Next 30 Days

• Smile and tell yourself that you’re f’ing amazing when you look in the mirror each morning. Write a post it note if you have to. Surround yourself with positive thoughts about yourself.
• Say thank you when you receive a compliment. You don’t have to say anything else, but acknowledge it. 
• Write down a daily journal of everything you accomplished daily. I’m even talking about the small victories. Celebrate what you achieved. Don’t focus on what didn’t happen.
• Pay a stranger, a family member or a friend a compliment. This can be as often as you’d like. Kindness can go a long way my friends.
• Share something about yourself that you’re proud of with someone. Don’t expect anything in return, just allowing yourself to be open about something you’re proud of is huge! 
• Schedule down-time for yourself. You don’t have to be busy every moment of the day. 
• Cry, scream and acknowledge when it hurts. Life is tough and you need to remember that it’s ok to not be super woman. You’re HUMAN!
• Set one goal for yourself. See what happens in the next 30 days.

I plan on following up this post with another discussion about this in another 30 days. I’m sure I’m not going to be immediately “healed” and I’ll still be struggling, but I want to strike up a conversation about this and get people talking about how we can work on bettering the way we think of ourselves and how we should be celebrating our accomplishments, big or small. Life is a gift my friends, let’s remember that! Also, remember to clap for your damn self! You deserve it!

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